Watch Me Grow - Seventeen Weeks

On Saturday Kaitlin turned seventeen weeks old, and week seventeen was a big one!

She's been a busy girl, last week she learned how to...

1. ROLL OVER!! WHOOHOO! After 9 weeks of trying she finally got there! Granted, she's only done it once, but I'll take it! She finally got enough momentum to get her whole body flipped from back to front. Her arm was still in the way but she didn't let it bother her this time, she pushed herself up with her one free arm and up she went! I, of course, was shouting and laughing and celebrating and she just looked at me like I was a crazy person (as she usually does). So, it's just happened the one time, but now we know she can do it!

2. Grab at the hanging toys on her play mat - this is also an exciting one, because it means that her hand-eye coordination is getting better. Previously, when she was laying on her play mat, she would bat at the hanging toys but not really connect with them and most of the time she just laid there and stared at them. Last week she started intentionally grabbing at the toys and even playing with them! One of them is a rattle and she grabbed ahold of it and was shaking it back and forth, staring at it intently. I did my little happy dance in the corner this time so she wouldn't look at me funny.

3. LAUGH - this might be the most exciting one of all, the one I have been waiting for! Kaitlin loves to look in the mirror and I show her her reflection a couple of times a day. I also talk to her while she's looking in the mirror, asking her who she sees (even though she has no idea that the person she is looking at is herself). This time I did it while making some really funny faces and voices and I got a giggle out of her! Most of the time when she is trying to express that she's happy she lets out a little screech with a smile. She time I managed to get a big smile and a little giggle - I instantly turned into a puddle on the ground. I got a couple of giggles out of her and then she was over it. I tried later that afternoon (and every day since then) to get more giggles out of her but so far she's been keeping quiet. I can't wait to hear more!

With all of these developments this week she has been sleeping a lot better at night, which I am thankful for. We are still having a hard time getting her to fall asleep at night, but once she is out she is asleep for 7-9 hours at a stretch. She has her FOUR MONTH check up this week (!!!!) and another round of shots. I can't wait to hear what the doctor has to say and I have about 9405894852098 questions for her, so it should be a good visit!

Watch Me Grow - Sixteen Weeks

This picture sums up every minute of Kaitlins day this past week...

Yes, my friends, blowing bubbles has taken a back seat to playing with her feet and toes. She discovered them last weekend and has not been able to put them down since. She is obsessed. And she is finding out that she can get them pretty darn close to her mouth, so I see drool covered toes in our very near future. This is actually a really good development. Every time she lifts her legs and feet up she is working her ab and back muscles. As they grow stronger she will be better able to roll over and sit up (and eventually crawl and walk - yikes). She's getting really good at pulling her socks off too.

Also! We have a roller!! Ok, so she's not rolling from back-to-tummy yet, but a couple times during the week she rolled from tummy-to-back. Purely by accident, but a roll is a roll! The important thing is that she gets used to the sensation of rolling. As for the back-to-tummy roll we are still stuck in the same place - she can get her WHOLE body rolled around except for her head and her right arm. She's too busy sucking on her hand so her arm gets stuck in the way. She doesn't seem too bothered though so I'll just keep helping her along so she gets used to the full motion. She'll figure it out one of these days!

Are you the Mom you thought you'd be?

Are you the Mom (or Dad, if there are any guys reading this blog) you thought you would be?

I'm not.

Not yet, at least.

The mom I thought I would be had it all together. I would know my daughter and be able to meet her every need. I would hear her cry and know exactly what was wrong and how I could fix it. The mom I thought I would be was no nonsense. No pacifiers, no white noise, no other "crutches" to lean on. I would take my daughter on walks, to the park and on errands effortlessly and efficiently. The mom I thought I would be was going to make her daughter a part of the family, not the center of it. I wouldn't bend to every demand and give in to every request. I was an advocate for date nights and vacations for just my husband and I, stressing the importance of leaving your child in the care of others (others you trusted, of course) early on so they get used to it. I knew this parenting thing was going to be hard, but "I got this" I thought.

And then I had a baby.

And reality smacked me upside the head.

Most days you can find me at home, a slave to an always work-in-progress nap schedule. Walks? Park outings? Errands?! Good luck. I still can't tell the difference between most of Kaitlin's cries. Instead I rely on how long its been between feedings, time since her last nap and that ever present blue line on her diaper to guide me as to what her cry might mean. And if none of those things are the reason behind the screaming I'm usually at a loss. I held on to my "no pacifier" rule for two weeks, until her second check up at the pediatrician. After hearing her scream for the whole appointment the doctor put her hand on my should, looked me in the eye and said, "Use the pacifier. You'll all be a lot happier." And we were. And now I can't stop using it. White noise? I've got the volume turned up and know just when to dash upstairs to press the sound button on the Sleep Sheep before it turns off (god forbid it turn off after only one 40 minute cycle. It's too soon - TOO SOON!)

I have yet to run the vacuum or drier all night long, so that's a win.

My husband and I have only been on dates when our families were in town. Finding a babysitter is on my "to-do" list but I keep putting it off. And the idea of taking a vacation by ourselves?? Without the baby?? The idea grips me with fear and yet is something that I yearn for. The reality is I don't know how to trust anyone with my baby. My baby girl. How am I supposed to find someone - a stranger - whom I trust enough to leave my baby girl, my whole world, with for a few hours (let alone a whole weekend). The biggest downside to living far away from our family and friends, no instant babysitters. I'm sure one day we will have the grandparents watch her for a weekend, maybe even a whole week, but the thought of it stresses me out. Will they know what to do when she cries? Will they keep her bedtime routine? Will she scream bloody murder the whole time that we are gone? I seem to have forgotten that they raised five kids between the four of them...I think they got this.

What I forgot to take into account when I was dreaming up this cool, calm, collected life I was going to have with a baby, was that my baby was going to have a personality all her own. She was going to have her own agenda, and for now, that takes priority. I didn't think she would be strong willed and stubborn. I didn't know that sleep (or lack thereof) would consume my life. I didn't know that it would take time, lots of time, for our two personalities to gel together. I didn't know that I was going to be a control freak (although my type A tendencies should have clued me in).

So, to make a long story even longer, no - I am not the Mom I thought I would be. I'm far from it. But it's something I'm working on, every day. And you know it, it's ok. I know that I'm a good mom, and I suppose that it the most important part. 

Maybe one day I'll be that cool, calm, collected parent I always thought I would be. But for now, you can find me in the nursery begging Kaitlin to take the pacifier while putting the Sleep Sheep on repeat ;)

Watch Me Grow - Fifteen Weeks

Sometimes it seems like Kaitlin will literally wake up, from a nap or a night of sleep, and just know how to do something new. Case in point - this week she woke up from a nap and started blowing "raspberries" or bubbles. I had never heard her do it before and suddenly it's all she wanted to do. She is learning and growing so much every day it blows my mind.

She is getting so good at blowing bubbles now. She wants to practice every minute she can, including at 3 o'clock in the morning after she wakes up to eat. And while it is extremely adorable to watch her do this, with rivers of saliva running down her face (and clothes and sheets) I could probably skip the 3AM practice sessions. Her new nickname is Slimer. I didn't think it was possible for so much spit to come out of such a tiny human being. I can't even imagine what it's going to be like when she starts teething.

Other things she learned this week? She learned she can put a lot of pressure on her feet and legs and push off. Brian helped her figure this out last weekend in the jumperoo and now she can't get enough of it. In the beginning her legs were really mushy and wobbly. But now that she has been working on it for a week her legs have gotten really strong! I'm really surprised at how quickly she builds up muscle. So now we have a jumping drool machine on our hands - and she couldn't be cuter!

Watch Me Grow - Fourteen Weeks

What a happy face!

Kaitlin turned fourteen weeks old on Saturday - check out those chubby cheeks and rolls on her legs. I love it! Bring the paranoid first time mom that I am I took her to the pediatrician to get her weight checked last week. She weighed in at a whopping 11lb 7oz! She is gaining more than the recommended .5oz per day, so this worried mama can chill out now that she knows she is gaining enough weight. Her sleep has also gotten a bit better over the last week, at least a little bit more predictable/regular. We are still having a tough time getting her to go to sleep at the beginning of the night, she likes to wake up 30-45 minutes after falling asleep and then is wide awake. It has been taking a couple of hours to get her to finally go to sleep, so its a good thing we start to put her down around 6pm!

The pediatrician also thought she saw two little teeth buds on her bottom gums! I had a feeling she might be starting to teethe! She couldn't get a good look but she definitely saw something. Now every time Kaitlin opens her mouth I try to get a peak. I can feel two small bumps but honestly her whole mouth feels a bit bumpy.

We have been doing more practice sitting up and the other day Brian had her in the jumperoo and she was pushing off the the stack of books with her legs! Now she wants to practice "standing" (pushing off of everything with her legs) all the time! I have a feeling she's going to hit a lot of milestones within a really small time frame. She hasn't mastered rolling over yet but I'm not really complaining. We are still swaddling her during all naps and at night and once she starts to roll over we have to stop! Her newest way to self sooth is to stroke her face with her right hand, so I have been swaddling it close to her face. She still loves putting her hand in her mouth (another sign of teething??) but this seems to help calm her down instead of frustrate her. Hey - whatever works!

The Third Month

What a roller coaster of a month this has been! It has been full of really big highs (vacation! better naps! sleeping 7, 8, 9,10 hours at night!) and really big lows (sleeping only 2 hours at night! bad naps! frustration! tears!) Although I really need to remind myself - our lows are not that bad, at all. We have a (usually) happy and healthy baby girl, and really that's what matters.

But sometimes it's hard to remember that after waking up for the fifth time in as many hours after midnight ;)

There has been a lot of learning this past month - for all of us. Kaitlin learned that she has hands, and has been (even more) fascinated with them ever since. One thing she still hasn't learned though is how to suck her thumb/fingers. She is good at sucking on her fist, and she even likes to have her pointer finger in there a lot, but nothing solid yet so the pacifier remains in place. She is learning how to roll over (she's going to get there soon!) and is discovering her voice box more and more each day. I swear she learns how to make a new sound every day - much to her (and my) surprise! She follows her dad and I around the room with her eyes, staring intently at us taking it all in. We've discovered that she is quite the chatty Kathy, especially with her dad. We've also discovered that all this "talking" usually leads to crying if we don't get her to bed soon after the conversation begins.

Kaitlin has always loved to be held up against your shoulder, never really liking the traditional baby hold. Her neck and stomach muscles are getting super strong and she now regularly spends time in her Jumperoo and Bumbo. Even when she is propped up in the Boppy or the stroller she is constantly trying to sit up. Work that core, girl!

left: Brian 3-4 mos, right: Kaitlin 10 weeks. Twins, right?

the many faces of KLC, part 2

During our vacation this past month Kaitlin was very fortunate to meet her first set of great grandparents. My Nanny and Papa were over the moon to meet their great granddaughter, the first one on this side of the family! It was really special to have Kaitlin spend time with them, I realize how lucky she we are to have them both around. Hopefully during our next trip to NY she will get to meet her other set of great grandparents!

Four generations

While we were lucky to have Kaitlin meet lots of our extended family members during our vacation we also had to say goodbye to one very special one. Brians grandfather, Kaitlins great grandfather, passed away earlier this summer. He never got a chance to meet Kaitlin but we know that he loved her very much. We love and miss him every day and know that he is smiling down on us as we try and navigate this thing called parenting. He was a big part of Brians life and although she will never get a chance to meet him, she will know all about him.

Some things that I have learned this month:

This shit is hard

Like, really hard. Harder than any day job I ever had. Harder than any relationship I have ever been in. Harder than any physical or mental challenge that I have faced. It is just plain hard. I keep thinking it's going to get easier, but it doesn't. Sure, some things might get easier but then you have a whole new set of challenges to deal with. And I'm pretty sure this is the easy part. She is fairly immobile. She can't talk back yet. She doesn't have any siblings that I have to chase around. She can't drive, she can't date boys, she can't go to college. Yet. Yup, this shit is hard.

My life is completely different
This might seem like a "No, duh" type of thing for me to say (write?) but it really didn't hit me until this month. This isn't just because of Kaitlin - my whole life is completely different. Up until now I think I was so busy with the house, being pregnant, giving birth and taking care of an infant that it didn't really register. As we are coming up on a year ago that I first found out I was pregnant I am reflecting on how different my life is compared to this time last year. Last year we were jetting off to Southern France for a long weekend, I had a good job at a big name clothing company, we were living in London and making the most of it. Fast forward one year and we are living in Texas. We own a house, two cars and we have a three month old baby. Of course all of these changes are for the best - I don't regret and wouldn't change them for anything in the world - but seriously, that's a whole lotta change in one year.

Put the baby monitor down

I know my husband is going to like this point the most, he hates our video baby monitor. He hates that I have it at the dinner table, on the sofa and right next to our bed. I like to have it near me, on at all times when Kaitlin is in bed. Sometimes I just like to turn it on and see her sleeping peacefully in her crib. Sometimes I turn it on and my stomach is in knots wondering if she is asleep yet/is she going to wake up/why is she awake now?! While we were on vacation most of the places we stayed we didn't even need to use the monitor. We were always in the room right next door to her so we could hear her get up. I still liked to be able to see her at any given time but I hardly used it. And while at first it caused me a little anxiety, over time I was able to relax. Sometimes this even worked out for the best, which is why I'm trying (trying being the key word) to follow this lesson now that we are back home. A few times in the middle of the night I could hear her wake up. In my half awake stuppor I would say to myself "Just give me one minute, Kaitlin, I'll be right there" only to wake up an hour and a half later and find her peacefully sleeping. Since I didn't really look at the monitor to see her or to see those little green and red volume lights flash I didn't jump up every time I heard a noise. It taught her, and me, that I didn't have to rush in every time she woke up. We both slept a little better because of it. And trust me, if she really needed me she would have let me know. If she needed to be changed or be fed she made sure we (and the neighbors) knew it. 

I really need to relearn this lesson again now that we are back home. I find myself running in to soothe her and calm her down at the first noise she makes ever since we got back from vacation. Her sleep and eating habits have also been really wacky since we got back, so I'd like to think that it's not entirely me just being neurotic, but it definitely doesn't help.

I love her more than I ever thought I could

Sometimes I will look at her and feel overcome with love and emotion. Just this morning while I was making breakfast I looked at her laying down on our huge ottoman just staring at the ceiling fan with three fingers shoved in her mouth. When she noticed me looking at her she flashed me the biggest grin and I found myself melting into a puddle. My heart literally felt like it was going to burst. Or when I walk into her room after she wakes up from a nap and she is laying there (again, with her fingers/hand shoved in her mouth) and she looks at me and smiles like a crazy person while wiggling around, so excited to see me, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

And it makes her waking up numerous times in the middle of the night all worth it ;)

(But don't quote me on that at 3AM)

Watch Me Grow - Thirteen Weeks

Will this be lucky number thirteen? No rest for the weary this last week - her wacky sleep schedule continued on for most of the week. Just as it reached its worst (up every two-three hours starting at 11pm and WIDE awake at 4am wanting to play!) she surprised us with almost a full nights sleep.

Hooray! It's over! She's back to normal!

WRONG!

Her weirdo sleep antics were back in full force last night. Sometimes I think it's because the swaddle isn't tight enough, sometimes I think it's because there's too much light in her room (and seriously, how many lights does a baby monitor need?! Next time I'm getting the one with no lights on it). Sometimes I think maybe she's getting a tooth. And sometimes I think it's just because she's a three month old and her sleep habits are still changing - I should learn to expect the unexpected.

Unfortunately I think it might be that last one...

But it's hard to resist the little peanut when she looks up at me from her crib with a huge grin on her face (even at 4am when the last thing I want to do is play). It's hard not to smile and laugh when she is babbling like a crazy person and blowing bubbles (even if it is at 4am when I feel like a crazy person).

We tried out the jumperoo a couple more times and even got her in the Bumbo (I realise that they recalled, like, 4 million of these this week but seriously people - why would you think it's OK to leave your infant in a Bumbo on an elevated surface and then not watch them?? Oy vey). She's going to be sitting on her own in no time, I know it! She has always loved being held upright on your shoulder, and now anytime she can be in a sitting position she is happy as a clam. She gets really quiet and just looks and looks and looks, taking it all in.

We also went to our first playgroup for moms and babies this week. It was so nice to get out of the house during the day and meet other moms and their babies! It was a big group with babies from 0-12 months.  We are going to try and go as often as we can to these weekly meet ups, I think it will be a great resource for both of us. Especially this mom :)